July 5, 2011
By Matt
It's been awhile, but your favorite guest blogger is back with fresh insight into raising twins. So let's get down to business.
The boys are now 29 weeks old, just a little shy of 7 months. People have been saying, "Wow, can you believe it's been that long?" Yes I believe it! Feels like I should be on to a second home, second career, and second wife by now. Only kidding, Cyndi, only kidding! It's really not that bad, but when you're just waiting for the crawling/walking/teething to begin already, time does not seem to go by quickly. And yes, I know I should enjoy this time with them while they are not mobile enough to get themselves into trouble, and I am. It will just be nice when they can do a few more things for themselves, like eating, changing their own diapers and grabbing themselves a beer grabbing me a beer.
Speaking of eating, they tend to do well in this department, though not without some struggle. Both boys want to constantly hit the bottle while eating, essentially pushing it away from their mouths while still trying to suck. Somewhat comical but frustrating at the same time. The rice/oatmeal cereal has gone over well; I have found they like listening to music while eating their cereal in the late mornings. Or, more accurately, they just enjoy me dancing (poorly) to keep them entertained. I think they like the techno and progressive beats. Baby glow sticks are on order. The constant spit-up that was so prevalent when they were newborns has largely subsided, unless I'm playing with them while they lay on my chest with me on my back. No matter how many hours it has been since they last ate or how many strategically placed burp cloths I have covering me, the end result is always the same: shirt in laundry.
Until someone was asking me recently about upcoming vacations at work, I did not realize how dumb (weather-wise) we are regarding our summer trips. Phoenix at the end of July and Dallas in mid-August. Heat on top of more heat. Are those areas of the country even safe for children under 5 years old in the summer? Doesn't the American Academy of Pediatrics have a 'no child-making' warning out between November and February each year for those areas so as not to subject newborns to those extreme conditions in the dead of summer? It will be a good time though, seeing family on both sides in AZ and good friends in Texas. At least I'll have a precursor to hell!
Along with being good eaters, we have two very good sleepers as well. They generally take good naps during the day and then at night they go down around 7p and don't wake until we go to gather them at 7a. Both boys prefer to sleep on their stomachs, oftentimes faceplanting themselves onto the crib sheet and then not moving for hours on end. We know they do not veer from that position because in the morning the cheeks or sometimes nose and middle of forehead are very red from remaining in that one position. How they can be facedown for more than 2 minutes I do not understand - maybe it is due to not having a huge schnoz like their father .....yet. Sorry about that in advance, boys!
So Cyndi and I have been trying to get back into our running routine by running with the boys in the jogging stroller, though training on a less rigorous regimen. This past week I went by myself with the boys for the first time. About halfway through I passed a woman walking her dog, and as I passed she said, "How do you have the energy?" I was not quick enough to spit out something witty, so I just shrugged my shoulders and smiled. She then called after me, "they're beautiful!" I was too far down the sidewalk to stop, flex, do a few one-armed pushups, point to myself and slap her with a "Abooyaa!!" We saw some neighbors a few days later who had yet to see the boys. Yes, our neighborhood is not too social, as these neighbors we know only by their nicknames - Snoopy and Mr. Snoopy. This label has been bestowed upon them because her car has Snoopy seat covers. The Snoopies have a 2 year old Snoopy and a newborn Snoopy. Anyway, we were chatting with them for a few minutes after a run with the boys, and Snoopy looked at them and said that from the nose up, T&Z look like Cyndi, and from the nose down, they look like me. How do people see this? Reminds of the perfect line for when people ask who their baby looks like, courtesy of Kramer via Seinfeld. His response: Lyndon Johnson.
Speaking of neighbors, our squabbling friends have been unusually quiet in recent months, other than the steady stream of guests they seem to entertain every weekend. No iPod arguments, no Jimmy Choos thrown through the walls. There was some noise just outside the front door late in the evening after I got home from work this past week, so I strolled over to the peephole to take a look. They were moving furniture out at 11:15p. WTF? A few days later Cyndi calls me at work and all excitedly asks if I could have seen nursery items being moved into the neighbors' home. Nope, I was sure it was office furniture and it was exiting their abode. Cyndi had apparently seen a box on their doorstep from a well-known maternity company and immediately did some "investigating" - others might call it "stalking."
[Editor's Note: I only started the investigation after Stacie also noticed the box and texted me saying something about how she seemed bustier than normal lately.] She was able to ascertain that they are pregnant, are registered at Babies R Us, she is 20 weeks along, it's a boy and are due in November. All of this within about 3 minutes and all without talking to any member of the pregnant family. Maybe you missed your calling, babe.
The following picture is this month's submission for me to win Father of the Year. A group of fraternity brothers who all have children 2 years old or less have entered into a contest to see who is, in fact, the man most ill-suited to care for his children unsupervised. Have no worries though as I have no shot at winning this title because
1. a certain contestant is a natural at boning things up
2. refer to reason #1 whose initials may or may not be A.C.
3. I'm a natural at being awesome. So there.
[Editor's Note Continued: If this guest blogger is requested to blog more often, his wonderful first wife will deny the request because of the time required for him to write and the backlog of housework. Love you too, honey!]
